Lifestyle · Love Life & Literature

When You Don’t Feel Like Enough

17238931_1283641621716293_699122326_n

In the quiet of the morning, I walked my family’s dog around the neighborhood as I thought about the events of this past summer and my future leading up to and after graduation this December. Then, all of the sudden, the crippling doubts began to creep up on me. As someone who has struggled with anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD—all remnants of a painful past—the combination of these mental demons can lead to self-destructive thoughts. The one that haunted me this time was,

“Could I ever be good enough?”

Could I ever be good enough for the roles I’ve taken on? Could I ever be good enough for the career I’ve chosen? Could I ever be good enough for the man I fall in love with? Could I ever be good enough for the family I create in the future?

Could I ever be good enough for myself?

After that walk, I paced back and forth in my house and tried to battle the thoughts. For hours, I couldn’t focus at all. I tried to console myself and tell myself I was being ridiculous, but the war in my head raged on. I listened to my sister talk about her day and tell me stories, but I felt awful because I was struggling with listening—I even tried to turn on one of our favorite TV shows and not even that could distract me.

I was so exhausted from fighting the battle in my head, I just wanted it to end.

Then I saw the rain trickling off our rooftop and rushed outside to witness the brewing thunderstorm. I climbed onto our tire swing and pulled my knees up to my chest and decided that if I was going to fight these doubts, I’d have to stop trying to conquer them myself and listen to God. I found my worship playlist on my Spotify and hit shuffle; the first song that came on was “In Christ Alone.”

When I heard the first verse my racing heart began to slow down and my body stopped trembling:

“In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand,”

I rested my head against the chain holding the tire-swing up and the wind began to pick up. A wisp of hair was swept from my face and I suddenly felt God’s presence as He brushed the hair from my face and essentially told me, “You are more than enough.”

My worth is found in Christ alone. I am enough because of Christ alone.

It’s so easy to slip into thoughts of doubt and worry, questioning your worth and whether you’re trying hard enough to be adequate. It’s easy to be afraid of the future and how prepared you are for the things to come. But these thoughts are from the Enemy trying to distract us from our faith and trust that we’ve promised to God, he looks for every opportunity to pull us away from Christ. The thing is, when we hand those thoughts over to God, the burdens become so much easier. I understand the difficulty that comes with letting go of thoughts that have become second-nature to you, but I think it’s beneficial to have a reminder of who you are and the freeing feeling of giving them up, which is one of the reasons I wanted to write this.

I need to constantly be reminding myself that my worth isn’t measured by what other people think, by the career I have, or by the things that I do, my worth is measured by Jesus. A popular verse that comes to mind is from Psalm 139: 13-14:

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Just as God named each star in the sky and numbered each hair on our heads, He made each of us with our own unique traits without making any mistakes. Your worth lies in His love and grace. Remember that.

Another great reminder of our worth is the fact that . . .

When God put His only Son on the cross, that was His proclamation that we are enough. He deemed us worthy of love and belonging by sacrificing the One who deserved that pain the least.

tumblr_ojsr53zfEx1w2enxzo1_500If that doesn’t show how enough we are, I don’t know what does.

In my devotional a couple days ago (30 Days of Heart Work), it read, “The Truth is, God’s love is enough to cover all of our past failures. If we can tear down that wall of “never enough,” we will see that God is right there waiting. He is for us. There is no need to prove that we are worthy of love or to protect ourselves from failure . . . We will all fail sometimes. Even in learning through those failures, He will make us strong, and He will be our fortress.”

How amazing is that?! It’s such a great reminder to us that we don’t need to be striving to prove our worth because the only One that matters to is Christ and He already deemed us worthy the moment He created us. Not only that, but He is the one our worth is found in. Instead of clothing ourselves in the fears of not being good enough, pretty enough, strong enough, smart enough, or simply enough, let’s clothe ourselves in Jesus because He is more than enough.

I just want to leave you with three things. First off, 

Whenever I’m having a bad day, I watch this video. Sometimes on repeat. I have it memorized and yet I cry every time. Maybe it will help you as it has me.

My playlist:

Music has always been my worship go-to and one of the greatest reassurances to me when I feel helpless. Here are a few songs that have helped me:

Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns | Gentle Savior by Daniel Beck |Broken Vessels by Hillsong | You Set Me Free by Angie Miller | You Make Me Brave by Bethel Music | King of My Heart by Kutless | Be Still by The Fray | I Won’t Let You Go by Switchfoot | O Come to the Altar by Elevation Worship | I Am Not Alone by Kari Jobe | It is Well by Bethel Music | Oceans by Hillsong | Breathe by Jonny Diaz | The Rock Won’t Move by Vertical Worship | Resurrecting by Elevation Worship

And finally,

You are beautiful. You are resilient. You are strong. You are worth far more than rubies and pearls. You are extraordinary. You are loved. You are enough.

***

Meghan and I will be taking turns every Friday, talking about Love Life & Literature!  Keep an eye out for her blog post at www.northernbellemeg.com next Friday! Until then, read her post from last week: Love Life & Literature: Pepper Basham Edition

Follow us on social media to keep in touch!

      Meghan                    Rachael

15722712_1290701564319251_2001718004_n                         18194878_1340739499339838_6385498663264211451_n

fb-flogo-blue-broadcast-2  instagram-v051916  twitter_logo_white_on_blue                                                        fb-flogo-blue-broadcast-2  instagram-v051916  twitter_logo_white_on_blue

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “When You Don’t Feel Like Enough

  1. GREAT post! Thank you for sharing. I too have these struggles and panic attacks ensue. Great playlist and encouraging words. : )

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s